tadeuszkosciuszkoscoffee:

sheshouldhavebeenason:

Since US history is all the rage now, I thought I’d share some of my favorite stories about the founding fathers.

-John Adams and Thomas Jefferson once visited the home of Shakespeare together… and both broke off pieces of one of the writer’s chairs so that they could take home souvenirs.

-When he was given an official surrender document during the French-Indian War, George Washington blindly signed the thing because he didn’t want to admit he couldn’t read French. In doing so, he basically solely accepted the blame of multiple war crimes. Somehow he wormed his way out of this… one of his methods was to blame his translator.

-Ben Franklin was forbidden from writing the Declaration of Independence because the founding fathers thought he would try to slip in puns and jokes.

-John Hancock was a convicted smuggler. Charges were dropped against him after he hired John Adams for a lawyer.

-Aaron Burr was a firm believer in the intellectual equality of men and women and lobbied for women’s suffrage.

-John Adams named his dog Satan.

-James Madison was our smallest president, at 5'4" and roughly 100 pounds.

-When he was 26, Washington bribed voters into electing him into office with alcohol… he gave certain voters about a half gallon for choosing him.

-Ben Franklin once wrote an essay urging scientists to “improve the odor of flatulence.”

-Jefferson warned Lewis & Clark to beware of giant sloths during their expedition.

-Adams and Jefferson were the original bros; after a lifetime of friendship, bitterness, and more friendship, they died hours apart on the same day- July 4th. Adams’ last words were, “Jefferson survives.” Well, not quite.

-Washington crossed enemy lines during the Battle of Germantown to return a lost dog to General Howe.

-The Star Spangled Banner was based off of a rowdy English drinking song.

-Alexander Hamilton’s descendants heavily edited and even hid some of his letters to his totally hetero bro, John Laurens, claiming “the content was embarrassing and indecent.”

-Ben Franklin opted for the turkey to be the U.S. national bird, claiming that bald eagles were cold and volatile.

-A few days before signing the Declaration, the Constitutional Convention got LIT. It’s rumored that the founding fathers drank 54 bottles of Madeira, 7 bottles of Claret, 7 bowls of spiked punch, 22 bottles of porter, 8 bottles of whiskey and 8 bottles of hard cider in this one night.

-George Washington spelled Polish engineer and general Tadeusz Kosciuszko’s last name eleven different ways. (Wonder if he ever got it right.)

-Tadeusz Kosciuszko wrote to Congress that he “couldn’t live without coffee.”

-Tadeusz Kosciuszko had a black orderly and friend named Agrippa Hull, who helped influence his abolitionist views (that he shared with Alexander Hamilton’s boyfriend and his friend John Laurens - best bromance ever) and who was also just a generally cool dude. One day Agrippa decided to throw a party for some of his friends, but apparently he had nothing to wear, so he borrowed Kosciuszko’s uniform. Kosciuszko came home while the party was going on.

-Once, when there was some drama going on in the army, Kosciuszko said that he would rather “go home and plant cabbage,” which basically meant “I’m done. I’m not dealing with this.”

-Slave and spy James Armistead gained the ability to join Lafayette from his master, and then proceeded to pose as a slave and spy on the British for the Americans… while making the British think he was spying on the Americans for them.

-John Hancock was also the country’s first metrosexual.

-During a siege of Boston, John Hancock tried to get his fiancée Dolly Quincy to go back to her father’s house for safety. Her response was basically “We’re not married, so I don’t have to listen to you, John.”

-Sybil Ludington did the same thing Paul Revere did, but in the middle of a crappy night, all by herself, less than a month after her sixteenth birthday. She also completed the ride, didn’t get arrested, and fought off a highwayman with a stick. She and her sister (and her father and siblings) later pulled a Home Alone and fooled a bunch of grown Tory men into thinking the house was swarming with soldiers so they wouldn’t mess with her dad.

-Speaking of Paul Revere’s ride. The one who did finish it was Samuel Prescott, who was doing a walk of shame from his girlfriend’s house when he got pulled into it.